I am sure all of us must have lost control and fallen in love sometime. But what made us fall in love?? What made us choose that person as our better half?? Is it one of those swanky proposals, on his knees, with a red rose and ring?? Or is it something beyond that?? Would you choose a person who wouldn’t propose you on his knees and say “I Love you” thousand times but is respectable, mature, caring, loving and knows the real essence of life and love? One who might not be the “most eligible bachelor” but “the most beautiful person??”
The actual foundation of any relationship or marriage according to me is not power, position, money, family or looks, but love and trust. These are mainstays of any prosperous relationship. You need to be madly in love with a person and trust him by all your heart, before you begin a new phase of life with him. Falling in love always doesn’t mean that you need to hear or say “I Love You” million times a day. It’s a feeling, which ripens gradually and let you lose your mind and heart.
In case of arranged marriages, clearly you don’t fall in love at first sight or give your heart right away, but yes you feel certain kind of connection. A connection that is not forceful or artificial. I remember seeing my man for the first time. Since mine is an arranged marriage neither I knew him beforehand nor had any feelings for him, but just the sight of him made me feel different. I felt my life could take a beautiful turn here. We used to go on dates, have long conversations, talk over phone for hours, exchanged gifts but still those three magical words were unsaid. I felt for him very strongly and so did him but we never felt the need to say it. We were wildly in love and can’t wait to marry each other.
But what made me fall for him??? Rather what made us fall for each other? What made us realize everything between us even when it was all unsaid?? Of course his looks made me skip a beat and I was contented that he was well-settled. But more than this there were other things, which really matter to me, and I found those in him. I loved the way he used to talk, tackle problems, manage his personal and professional life, took out time for himself and me. He had his own set of goals, and clarity with thoughts and life. His confidence and self-respect, which he would never trade for anything. His behavior towards me, how gentle and calm he was, easy and undemanding, without any dominance or sense of being superior to me. Always ready to help and sort out my problems, caring about my family, our relationship and me. What made me lose my heart most was the fact that he just didn’t love me, but respected me. I personally feel a marriage can’t sustain if you don’t respect each other, their feelings, their space, their goals and their freedom. And this is one thing he never made me feel. He was honest and valued everything about me. I knew I was secure with him and that I will not find a better one.
And even he identified that I am his constant support and strength, no matter how things might turn in future. I understand his limitations and hardships. I value his time, money, dreams and love. I prefer getting adjusted to his nature of job rather than complaining and sulking every time. He knew I trusted him and that I will never question his love for me. He knew I believe in taking things straight than beating round the bush. He knew I wouldn’t ever let him down and encourage him in every possible way. He knew more than wife he found a friend in me, who wont judge him ever. In short, both of us knew we completed each other in every possible way and we were meant to stay together and married.
Of course there came a point where we said ‘I love You’ to each other and still there never goes a day when we doesn’t express this to each other, but somewhere we know, that even if we don’t, nothing changes. We never had those fancy proposals but still love each other to eternity. Nothing changes if we are busy and couldn’t call each other every day or every hour. Nothing changes if we don’t buy each other expensive gifts or if we are not together for some time. Noting will ever change between us.
Love can be defined in uncountable ways, but in marriage “I love you” is a promise to be there for each other for all of our days. It is a promise that says, “I’ll be there when you lose your job, your beauty, your parents, your health, your confidence.” It’s a promise assuring you that your partner will build you up, overlook your weaknesses, forgive your mistakes, put your needs above his/her, and stick by you even when the going gets tough.” And that’s how a marriage and a life partner should be.
It’s easy to choose someone on the basis of beauty, power and position, but the real essence of a life partner lies in standards way beyond than these. Fall for a person who demands nothing but sheer love, compassion and honesty from you. Marry a person who might not have abs, biceps and a chiseled face, but a genuine heart, witty brain and a rightful stand in every phase of life. Keep your love for a person who values you and can fight the world for you. Save those three magical words for a person who doesn’t only give you a rose and a ring, but selfless love, respect, rightful place, freedom and loyalty.
Falling for a man or woman with substance, true heart and capabilities, will not only make you feel special and proud but also strengthen your relationship. You will love each other and celebrate life every day, every moment.