In love or Emotionally Dependent??

How often have you thought you were truly in love, happily married and the best partner for your better half?? Have you ever felt that nothing makes you happy but him or her? You have nothing left in the world if your spouse or love is not beside you?? That you can’t even think of letting him go out of sight even for a minute?? These feelings clearly show that you are not ‘in love’ but ‘in need.’ That you are an emotionally dependent person, which might affect your relationship or marriage!

Love arising from fear isn’t love, it’s neediness. It’s a requirement, which forces you to stick around and count on him for making you happy, always. It’s absolutely normal to expect love, care and support from our partners and spouses but at the same time it’s really unhealthy to rely on them too much. For completing every little task you need him or her by your side. In short you just can’t imagine living and being happy without them!! All this is nothing but ‘Emotional Dependency’ and it comes from the inner blankness that we create when we abandon ourselves. Then comes the time when we expect our partner to fill all our emptiness and make us feel loved and safe. Of course they love us and are even protective, but we never get enough. We give them all the responsibility of our happiness, safety and worth. And while doing all this knowingly or unknowingly we start controlling them, their lives, their feelings and even their love towards us. We try getting control over making him or her love us the way we want to be loved.

This often leads to break-ups, unhappy marriages and separations. Couples who believe that their partner or spouse is the only source of their happiness and comfort often become over dependent which is by all means detrimental. These couples develop what experts call an ‘enmeshed relationship’, characterized by a overall and heavy reliance on their spouse for confidence, assurance, and completeness. One question, which I want to put up here, is “How can you be confident and self assured when other people’s opinions are of supreme importance?”

Well, you can’t be unless you need to learn to love yourself and feel your inner beauty and the wonderful essence of being yourself. You should have full confidence in yourself, things your doing, decisions you are taking and choices you are making. You should have the courage and strength of trusting your own feeling before you trust someone else. Our positive feelings of harmony, joy, fullness and self confidence let us know that we are in alliance with what is right for us and that we love ourselves and others. Similarly our negative feelings of fear, melancholy, remorse, embarrassment, irritation, emptiness and jealousy help us know that we are deserting ourselves and being harsh to ourselves and others.

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Overcoming emotional dependence is not about finding errors with yourself but realizations about what is causing it? One should use it to find out the reason behind your emotional fears or insecurity that is causing the dependence. You can overcome all forms of emotional dependence when you love yourself and find comfort and strength in your own being. Once you know your positives and have your own interests in mind, you will be far less vulnerable and it will be easy for you to judge whether he/she really loves you or not.

In real love or healthy relationships and marriages, there is nothing controlling about love. Its all about being there for each other always, supporting their highest good and still giving them a space to live life the way they want to. It’s never about controlling or possessing the other person. While in love, you try giving a person, rather than focusing on what you are getting in return. Your emphasis on getting love and attention always, will lead to a sealed heart and controlling behavior, which shuts out all feelings and destroy the bond you both share. However, your efforts on being tender, and learning to love yourself first, is what opens up the heart and helps you experience true love.

The key to falling in love and staying in love forever is to love yourself first! Be a strong, happy and emotionally independent person with whom your partner would not just love to spend time, but all his life.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Shobha Iyer says:

    Very true…we need to analyze …is it Love or Emotional Dependency

    Liked by 1 person

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