“We are so different. How can things ever work between us?”

“We never agree on same thing.”

“Our choices and opinions are poles apart.”

“Her career, her hobbies, her interests, nothing is similar to mine. She might not be the suitable one for me.”

“Being so different will definitely be not good for our relationship.”

Such thoughts and questions often arise in our mind while we are going to start a relationship, in a relationship or married to a completely different individual than what we are. Either a couple is extremely satisfied and happy because they have so much in common or they tend to fall apart because they have nothing in common. That often leaves me wondering if: “Is it so important to be alike? And does being alike promises a secured relation or a marriage?”

Well, if that what makes us decide on our future, then there is no man more stupid than us. While we put all our energy and efforts in finding out something common between us, we miss the fun of being different from each other. We forget that having a partner with totally different insight or interests let us enjoy the best of both worlds. And as far as my understanding goes, it’s an utterly false belief that only alikes attract or fall in love or make one of the best marriages. Like any successful recipe, the secret to a successful and prosperous marriage has always been love and nothing else.

According to the famous law of magnetism that we all read ‘opposites attract.’ Now this is not just a scientific statement, but a fact that holds true in my real life as well. Or rather say my husband and me are one of the many living witnesses to this real life magnetic law. Both of us are exact opposite to each other, but truly, madly and deeply in love. Our differences and dissimilarities has never made us fall apart, but only brought us closer. We have been married for more than five years now and to be honest our likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests, everything is just contrasting. What he likes, I usually don’t and what I like doesn’t seem to interest him at all. We are poles apart in every little or big thing you all can imagine.

  • I am a biotechnologist and he is a marine engineer. Not even a slightest of connection between our professions.
  • He is a total sportsperson, football being his favourite while I always had an inclination towards creativity and art. Basically I hate sports.
  • While I love cooking and experimenting with food, his only interest lies in eating all what I cook.
  • Indian cuisine is his favourite anywhere, anytime, while I always vote for Italian.
  • He can’t do without chicken tikkas, biryani, kebabs and seafood, while; my life doesn’t go beyond potatoes, tomatoes and cauliflower.
  • Chilling with beer is his favourite while I have always been a wine person.
  • Everyone knows I can’t keep my mouth shut for a long time but, he is mostly quiet, calm and composed.
  • I love to talk while he loves to listen.
  • I am more of a bling and poser while simplicity is his alcove.
  • He is unbelievably calm and levelheaded at all times while I can be impulsive and short tempered.
  • He chooses black over any color and I can choose any colour over black.
  • I love books. Reading is my favourite while he last confronted books only during his exams, I guess.
  • Mountains are his first love whereas I am more of a beach baby.
  • I love partying, clubbing and dancing while he prefer evenings over coffee and conversations.
  • He is not a huge fan of yoga and meditation, but for me both of them are of great help.
  • He loves sleeping while I can sleep only when its time or I have nothing else to do.
  • I can’t keep calm if my things are not in place or if my surroundings are untidy and unsystematic whereas he on the other hand loves to test my patience on that.
  • Bollywood masala movies can never bore me while his favorites are Hollywood thrillers and Sci-Fi’s.
  • My earphones and music are on whenever I get a slimmest of chance, but his phone doesn’t even have a playlist.
  • He can play counter strike or play station for hours whereas the only game that interests me is scrabble or candy crush may be.
  • Mathematics is something he excels in, while I always hated it from the bottom of my heart.
  • He is scared of heights but still he did skydiving. I am scared of water and I am not sure if I will do scuba diving.

These are just some of the many examples of us being different in our day-to-day life. We have always been day and night; lesser of ‘two peas in a pod’ and more of ‘opposites attract.’ We knew we functioned very differently from the beginning yet in the important things, we were totally aligned. Several years in to marriage, these night and day differences aren’t always so charming and sometimes become infuriating. There come moments of disagreements too but none of these ever took a toll on our relation, marriage, love or happiness. We never made an extra effort to accommodate these differences in our lives and marriage. It somehow always felt right and that we are same. Sometimes we wonder why? Why we never ended up in heated arguments or ruined plans because of our contradictory choices and interests? Why it all seemed to be just right and how did we make it all work? And I guess the answer is very simple ‘When there is a will, there is a way.’ When you want things to work out, to be in a relation, to be together, you overcome anything and everything that might come in your way.

The basic rule to a healthy relationship or a marriage according to me is ‘Accept your partner as he or she is.’It’s true that life changes after marriage, our priorities change, our surroundings change, but what remains constant throughout is what we are. Our habits, likings, beliefs, values, thoughts and philosophies never change. We might transform a bit depending on the situation but that is temporary and we tend to return back to our original state. The elasticity inside us is short-term and we can’t keep ourselves strained for long. We will ultimately break. And it applies to every soul alive on earth. The more we try to change someone, the more we push them towards their breaking point and all that we acquire in the end is a broken individual, a broken relation, a broken marriage and a broken life.

I don’t deny that at times we all try changing one another but we should always identify our limits and consequences. In our case too, we both must have tried changing something sometime, but we never manifested those changes more valuable than our relation and bonding. We always tried and accepted each other the way we are. He accepted my interests, habits, personality, lifestyle and values, while I accepted his. He respected my freedom and space while I respected his. He appreciated my individuality and identity, while I appreciated his. All we found was a way to balance our personalities and preferences. We found ways to balance between Indian and Italian, Bollywood and Hollywood, Fifa and scrabble, talking and listening, beer and wine and so on. We were delighted that both of us love travelling and vacations, be it mountains or beaches. We found mutual reasons of happiness and contentment amongst all our contradictory likings. We found ways to make sure none of our individual interests and dogmas get compromised while we make a married couple. We understood that our happiness lies not in changing each other but in being cooperative, accepting, flexible and open.

Being married doesn’t mean a full stop to your own likings and preferences as an individual. It doesn’t mean that everything and anything you do will be of your partner’s choice. A personal space is something you need throughout your life, even after marriage. It’s true that things change and we have to be more adaptive and thoughtful once we start sharing our lives with someone, but that doesn’t mean we change ourselves from what we are to what others want us to be. We often misunderstand harmonization with transformation in a marriage. We often misunderstand marriage with complete cessation of our individuality but this is neither the truth nor the real essence of marriage.

Marriage is all about building a bond, a life, a future, where two souls be together for eternity, walking hand in hand, accepting and embracing each other as they are, helping each other overcome every obstacle in life and growing to be perfect soul mates. Marriage is all about complementing each other, not about being same or identical. Having similar choices in life doesn’t guarantee you a successful relation but having an open mind and heart does. There is no harm in being a completely different person from your partner when it comes to your choices or opinions unless you both share the same compassion, love and respect for each other. What we need is a similar perspective, mindset, intellectual and attitude as true life partners.

Don’t let few trivial things complicate your life or a relationship. Marriage is much more than two analogous personalities or lifestyles. It’s more of coordination and less of transformation. It’s more of acceptance and less of reluctance. It’s more of us and less of you and me. It’s more of being different and less of being same.






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