“Always be careful of what you hear about a woman. Rumours either come from a man that can’t have her or a woman that can’t compete with her”
Isn’t this true?? No one really talks about it, but one of the key issues inhibiting women from getting along with other women is Jealousy. Be it of any kind; jealous of your looks, style, lifestyle, relationship, financial status, social status or just being better and smarter. Whatever we say or no matter how much we deny it, jealousy is one of the dark sides of much-celebrated womanhood and we allow it to run rampant. We picture ourselves to be adoring, loving and appreciating towards our female friends or relatives or colleagues, but somewhere in the corner of our heart, the feeling of comparison starts growing like a weed till all the love is gone. Only jealousy remains.
We’ve all been jealous and we all have someone who is jealous of us. I agree we all develop this feeling somewhere at some point of life, even if we don’t want to. It’s a part of our cold-blooded brains that blazes when, at a deep level, we feel our survival is being threatened. When we think she is better than us. This is when we want to hurt, reject, and freeze her out. When we want to bring her down a level for being too beautiful, intelligent, smart, strong, rich, confident, vivacious, successful, adored, treasured or anything that you think you’re not. Comparisons come naturally. I have gone through this as well. This is quite biological and human. But the moment it becomes toxic and start affecting your relationships, it becomes more of a disease than a mere feeling. And this is the time when you harm yourself more than anyone else in the world.
Women generally have a very hard time admitting that they are jealous. They tend to ignore and bury this feeling deep inside them. I am sure every single woman must have experienced this at some point in her life. While I pen this post, there are three main questions popping up in my mind. Firstly, why are women jealous in the first place? Secondly, Is it natural? And the last, what can we, as women, do to stop this nasty cycle of women hating women? Either we can lie to each other and say, “I don’t get jealous”, or we can throw light on this collective dark feeling. Let’s be honest.
What I feel is that jealousy is never about her or any other woman. It’s always about us. Like any other emotion or feeling surfacing from us, jealousy too is 100% our responsibility. And we need to overcome this. Best we can do is “Ask ourselves why are we jealous?”Is it their appearance? Where they stand? The job they have? Or, the relationship they are in? What makes us think and feel that their lives are better than ours?? The best thing you can do here is admitting when you are jealous. Admit it, accept it, and turn it into feeling of admiration. Feel the feminine power and be happy and proud that she can achieve what she wants and is totally capable of distinguishing herself from others.
One of the most important things we as women can do or rather should do is “Respect other women. Celebrate them. Love them and the life that they have fostered. Take her as an inspiration for building the life you long for.” Don’t think of it as any other wrong feeling or don’t be critical and negative. Make sure you find that uninhibited applause for a woman, and the distinctive flavor of womanhood that she conveys. Appreciate her for being your friend, your support, your mirror, for holding the power of love that you need to grow and express. For being a part of you. For being there for you.
The trickiest part comes when you feel another woman is jealous of you and they are being flat and mean. You can’t be very straight forward and say, “I know you are behaving this way because you are jealous of me.” This will be really rude. And the woman will never agree to this, even if it’s true, making you sound like a complete fool. In such cases, negative emotions don’t get an escape, they just sit there, brewing and brewing, until someone blows their top. And the end result will be a broken, tattered and tearful ending to a happy and healthy relationship. Don’t let this happen and act maturely. All you can do here is stay calm, behave fine, take the high road, be kind, and keep doing what you’re doing (because clearly you’re doing fine and the right). Let the other one behave however they wish to. People consumed in jealousy do not want to see you happy or successful because they are clearly not happy for you. And that very much reflects in their behavior. But remember, that’s their hitch to deal with. Not yours.
One of the basic reason we feel jealous is the feeling of incompetence. We should realize that we all need to do what is right for us and stop comparing. Do not be so hard on yourself; you are very much capable of getting where you want. You are better than you think, and impact people more than you apprehend. But apart from focusing on yourself just spend some time thinking what you can learn from the amazing people around you. Learn about their qualities, their positives, and their strengths. Surround yourself with constructive and encouraging people and distance yourself from the people who do not wish you well. I’m not writing this because if I have figured it all out. I’m writing this, because I’ve been learning from such experiences myself.
Transform your jealousy into motivation and self acceptance. The day we take control of our negative feelings and start practicing jealousy in a positive way, the dark and destructive side of sisterhood becomes a doorway for growth, power, healing and immense love.
Support other women, learn from them, and teach them. Don’t forget we’re on the same team, girls. I see the light and power within you my darlings. Lets do this. Together!!!